VOICES (in the desert) part 2

So I have been back home for a few weeks now. Home is often a hard place for people to come back to. At least for me it represents a lot of the hard or dark times in my life. It is back here in Edmonton that I rebelled and strayed from Gods direction. So coming back here, I am taunted to return back to the old ways. Voices of depression, loneliness, drunkenness, and sexual lust assault me and push me to sin.

The good news is that God has not left me alone. In my weakness and hurt, I call out to Him. I am reminded often that I am His son. He will not leave me and forsake me. His voice calls me forward to take new steps of obedience into purity and kingdom lifestyle. Part of that means I am severed from the old lifestyle I lived and the false comfort it afforded. Getting drunk or whatever may have giving a temporary escape from my unhappiness but the true Joy is given by the Father.

I read "The Cost of Discipleship" recently and one of the main points of discipleship made in the book is this, Discipleship is neither cheap grace or legalism; it is a wholehearted submissive and obedient lifestyle. It all comes back to pursuing Christ and His ways. Salvation may have been a free gift, but I also gave away everything I have and am at the Cross. The Old Josiah is dead, and now I am infant in a host of adopted sons (and daughters) of God. We are the NEW MEN. A race new and alien to this world. I cleave to God in these times of trial and temptation. With faithfulness comes reward. Like the servants of Matthew 25 as we stay faithful to Him will increase what we are givin, we will also be promoted, and most importantly dwell in a deeper level of relationship with Him. He is our true reward, and discipleship is a joy really. We get to spend the rest of our lives (and eternity) with Him.

VOICES (in the desert)

This week has been one of transitions for me. I finished a third year of university, and have travelled back home from Langley BC. Coming home has been more then just a transition of Geography, it has also in the way I use my time. First of all, I will be spending a majority of my time working. There also some steps of obedience, that the Father has led me too for this summer. Its going to be tough, because He has asked me to give up some stuff that was really a source of comfort and amusement. Ultimately though these things have been idols in my life that I have chosen over serving and loving God.

It was really cool, coming home though because I started to read my Bible. The passage I came to was in Matthew 3 when Jesus is led to Desert for 40 days of fasting after being baptized. The declaration the Father made over Him was that that Jesus was His Son, in whom He is well pleased. It really interesting because when the devil tempts Christ in the desert, he always mentions or tests His Sonship. Its likes He challenging Jesus if He is really God's Son.

The encouragement/direction I got from this was, that through times of trial and test the enemy will go after my identity as a small s son of God. Its my Faith in Him and His connection to me that can hold me from the voices that tempt me to deviate from His path. Even when we feel alone and weak, we can still trust that God is present with us, and will give us the strength to face these sort of challenges.

Just some thoughts

Josiah

MY RE-BIRTHDAY

I had the unique pleasure yesterday of celebrating both the resurrection of Christ and my 22nd birthday. Part of the easter festivities for me was going to a baptism service my church was having in the afternoon. I biked down to Fort Langley-McMillan Island, to see it. It felt really authentic, being with a crowd of people around the banks the muddy fraser river. No joke but there was 26 people from my church of a 100+. Not that its about numbers, but the just fact that so many people from our community were getting baptized had such an impact on the overall spiritual excitement of our church as we gathered to be part of this.

My Pastors Paul and Heidi asked each person prior to being baptized, if they would give themselves to Lordship of Christ/the Godhead, and if they were willing to be accountable to the overall Body of Christ. The importance of being part of union with God and the Church really struck me, as I didn't understand baptism in this light prior. Everyone who was going to get baptized was evidently ready and excited to give themselves to Christ. I was overwelmned with the beauty of it.

Prior to biking out, I had not even considered that I should get baptized too. Thats not completely true actually, because I had thought in light of all the amazing developments in my spiritual existence that it would be appropriate to take part in it. I had discounted that thought, because a). I was not a new christian and b). I was baptized when I was a 10. People are not supposed to be baptized twice, according to be understanding of church tradition. My preconceived understanding stopped me from reconsidering the possibility of it.

A week prior my understanding of salvation/baptism in the Spirit was challenged. I realized that little of spiritual development can solely be understand in episodic linear way. We received salvation, yet its still happening. We are filled by the Spirit, yet on a day to day basis we are still filled in a new way. Our understanding of time is different then God's, I think in someways he see's our life as prayer/confession of His grace.

Secondly I also realized that many of my earlier childhood motives for christian growth, were tainted with a need and desire for acceptance. I wanted to be baptized so I could fit in as fellow member of the church, rather then truly committing my heart and life to the authority of Christ. One thing that helped me understand this clearer was the development I experienced last year. I had been a christian all my life, and I wanted the gifts of spirit. I felt a pressure that I needed them to fit in and I think that why I didn't really start to grow in them until I was able to overcome the previous sense of unacceptance. I wasn't filled with the Spirit so I could fit into a particular expression of Christianity. I am filled with Him, because He loves me and wants to help me. I realized I wanted to be baptized out of insecurity.

So back to the Sunday afternoon at the Fraser River. Paul paused the line of Baptism's and offered that if anyone else wanted to be baptized that their moment would come at the end of the present line. Immediately a voice in my head not only considered it but suggested it. Fear rose up, I countered that voice with a sentiment of desiring not break from what I thought was acceptable. The more I countered it though, the more I was convinced that it was God's voice speaking to me. He told me that it was time for me to do this. I had experienced this year, so much "wrestling" with His will. I genuinely want Him to be the Lord of my life, and this just seemed like the most appropriate statement of that. I was brought back to the last weeks service, I went forward to receive a new baptism of the Spirit. I was brought to this fiery place of anointing, where all I could utter was Yes Jesus. I was having such a hard time with giving him my will, and it was a beautiful place of release and breakthrough. This moment of baptism was some how connected to that.

Once I realized that it was my own fear holding me back rather then Godly conviction, the decision became really clear. The line cleared near to its end, I stepped forward and took off my jacket and shoes. After they baptized the last person, I ran into that cold water. I was asked if I wanted Christ as my Lord, and If I was willing to give Him my Life. If I also wanted to allow my Brothers and Sisters to hold me accountable. I said yes. And then I was dunked in the cold muddy water.

I didn't necessarily feel emotionally that different, except I knew with a deep sense that I was obeying God. I was greeted with a lot of smiles and hugs. Some one gave me a cup of coffee and a towel to warm up. A few others went after me, and the service was concluded. We mingled a bit, and then all headed out.

Later that evening, we had our normal meeting, of worship then preaching. I was given an opportunity to share with congregation about why I did what I did, and just the testimony of God's grace in my life. Later our pastor had all of us stand up and he said to "this is the future of the church." I just was so loved and warmly received by my church. God has blessed me so much with such amazing brothers and sisters. I would not be in the place that I am today if it were not for what He is doing with all of them. By obeying and growing in Him we release hope and grace to others. Thats whats so beautiful about the whole thing. We get to be part of something much greater then ourselves. Seriously I would not have it any other way.

_________________________

Anyways thats a little bit of an update in my life.

Second Chances and Hope

It is not difficult in life, to experience or be overwhelmed with a sense of powerlessness and failure. I have found that this year has been one, where I often feel like I am a screw-up as a son of God. He has given me so much, and yet I sin still a lot. I am realizing that what aggravates my condition is this sense of independence, pride, and shame where I try to fix my own spiritual sickness rather then going to the One who heals me.

A part of this new revelation that God has given me, is that He sees and perceives and our lives a lot different then we do. Rather then seeing salvation as an instance, I believe he sees our entire life as an confession and prayer for his grace.

One thing that has been a strong pattern in my cycle of confession-disbelief-sin is a sense of death and dissatisfaction with the old me. The truth is that Jesus slew that guy on the Cross. The reason it just doesn't sit right when I go back to that stuff is because I am trying to be some one I am not anymore. If we are saved by Christ, WE ARE NEW CREATION. New natures and filled with the Holy Spirit to boot. I am increasingly thankful for that grace of dissatisfaction with the "yuckieness" of my old life.

We are all like little children, and He lets us take our first steps. And yes sometimes we suck at walking, but you have to remember that it is a process. He has a lot of hope for us, I mean we are New People made identical to our older brother Jesus. He is pretty awesome, and he gave himself completely to us.

So I am encouraged, and I encourage you, to keep running this race. Let us hold on to our hope in Christ, and let go of the past. Onward and Upward friends.

___________

Sometimes do you feel alone? Like really alone?

Do you expect life to go a certain way? Do you feel betrayed when it doesn't go that way?

Are you asking yourself whats next? Is there something good to expect next? Is it okay to think that something good will come out of this?

What is even more confusing is if you do encounter God. What about all those times when Heaven seems so tangible. Its like we can touch it and then it falls out of our grasp. Or when we so clearly hear the Voice of the Holy Spirit, and follow Him. We expect everything to come together because its his will. Often though it doesn't. Sometimes God's children are defeated(seemingly). This is uncomfortable thought. Who wants to be roused to join a side that promises to be despised and often destroyed?

Lets go our Lord and Saviour Jesus. At the end of His earthly life, he had lost everything. His followers betrayed him. He had no children, almost no family, no wife, no money. He was horribly beaten, left to die on a wooden beam. His eternal Father (who is everything to Him, the essence of what He loves) turned away from Him. Jesus was beaten and alone, on a hill to die. He lost....he literally had to drink Hell at that moment. Whose Hell?

The Hell of the world. All our wrongs and evils

The things the Father has to punish, were punished in Jesus.

Thats not the end of the story of course. But if you think you are dead, I want you to know that His blood is resurrection and rebirth. This life can be so hard, but God will see the course with you. He can and will use everything for your benefit.

Now Jesus is in Heaven...and on Earth.

We are His Body, His Bride

Bless you

The Lord of Peace

Today was a stressful day. First of all, I was fatigued from a lack of adequate sleep. And then I had almost straight classes from the morning until like 5. So I did what seemed most reasonable and I hopped onto my red bicycle. I am very blessed to live in such a beautiful place, the countryside of the Fraser valley.

After I had gotten out a bit, I came to this river dock. The moon was out above the river, the sun was setting. It was just such a clear and crisp night. The sky was blue-edging into green and rich yellows and reds. The air was peaceful. It was just such a nice moment with God.

I actually ended staying there for a while. Its awesome just being with God for no other reason then just being with him. I find in those moments there is just such oneness and peace. I don't know where I begin or where he ends. I probably would have stayed there longer but it started to get cold so I headed back.

I really needed that, because I, like many of you, feel this need to fix myself. For some reason I have not liked myself for a long time. My self hatred has manifested in self destructive or slothful behaviors in the past. As I have moved into the Fathers heart, He has delivered me from a lot of that crap. One wound though that has caused me a lot of problems is this self loathing.

It can be anxiety at trying to fix me, or be some one else. It could be the stress at what people think of me, because for some reason I think that the blind will give me sight. Whatever it is, I reallized this ungodly pressure and drive was not good. So I asked Him for peace. He has given me so much of it. He is so faithful to answer.

Nothing we can do on our own will actually be satisfying. Just give up. I mean that in the most encouraging and loving tone. By releasing your rights to try, you give sacred space for the Holy Spirit to fill you and show up in awesome ways. I am serious!

Some might think that God has better things to do then to heal our depression and self hatred. Thats such a crock though. You can fight the leaves and stem of this cancer in our world, the root of it all is a disconnection with our Righteous Loving Father. And when we can love the hardest person to love (ourselves) we will be able to love others in such a genuine deep way.

When our hearts are filled, we can quite easily see the Idols and lies for what they are. Changed people make others hungry, and then we don't need to hype and beat ourselves up for authenticity. The real deal is inside us and through us.

May you see Jesus in your friends and enemies

May you see Him in the great and the poor

May you see in your heart, and feel His Spirit burn and anoint your body

God bless you

do not be afraid

My Father is teaching me a lot about trust. Much of the time the small setbacks or difficulties can cause me to worry about life. My worry and fear will distract me from Jesus and all the awesome things he has for me. So many times he has shown me that I have nothing to be afraid of. In fact if it was about it being easy and do able, I wouldn't need him. He is so good. He gives me the strength and He takes care of me.

So often its when I hear him to have faith that things work out. Quite often they work out in ways that I couldn't imagine or plan. Hes so good. The fact that I am with Him gives me such peace.

You can do it guys. He who is with you is greater then he who is of the world.

BE BLESSED

Jos