Re/Reborn

VOICES (in the desert) part 2

2011-05-15T14:06:00.000-07:00

So I have been back home for a few weeks now. Home is often a hard place for people to come back to. At least for me it represents a lot of the hard or dark times in my life. It is back here in Edmonton that I rebelled and strayed from Gods direction. So coming back here, I am taunted to return back to the old ways. Voices of depression, loneliness, drunkenness, and sexual lust assault me and push me to sin.

The good news is that God has not left me alone. In my weakness and hurt, I call out to Him. I am reminded often that I am His son. He will not leave me and forsake me. His voice calls me forward to take new steps of obedience into purity and kingdom lifestyle. Part of that means I am severed from the old lifestyle I lived and the false comfort it afforded. Getting drunk or whatever may have giving a temporary escape from my unhappiness but the true Joy is given by the Father.

I read "The Cost of Discipleship" recently and one of the main points of discipleship made in the book is this, Discipleship is neither cheap grace or legalism; it is a wholehearted submissive and obedient lifestyle. It all comes back to pursuing Christ and His ways. Salvation may have been a free gift, but I also gave away everything I have and am at the Cross. The Old Josiah is dead, and now I am infant in a host of adopted sons (and daughters) of God. We are the NEW MEN. A race new and alien to this world. I cleave to God in these times of trial and temptation. With faithfulness comes reward. Like the servants of Matthew 25 as we stay faithful to Him will increase what we are givin, we will also be promoted, and most importantly dwell in a deeper level of relationship with Him. He is our true reward, and discipleship is a joy really. We get to spend the rest of our lives (and eternity) with Him.

VOICES (in the desert)

2011-05-02T11:36:00.001-07:00

This week has been one of transitions for me. I finished a third year of university, and have travelled back home from Langley BC. Coming home has been more then just a transition of Geography, it has also in the way I use my time. First of all, I will be spending a majority of my time working. There also some steps of obedience, that the Father has led me too for this summer. Its going to be tough, because He has asked me to give up some stuff that was really a source of comfort and amusement. Ultimately though these things have been idols in my life that I have chosen over serving and loving God.

It was really cool, coming home though because I started to read my Bible. The passage I came to was in Matthew 3 when Jesus is led to Desert for 40 days of fasting after being baptized. The declaration the Father made over Him was that that Jesus was His Son, in whom He is well pleased. It really interesting because when the devil tempts Christ in the desert, he always mentions or tests His Sonship. Its likes He challenging Jesus if He is really God's Son.

The encouragement/direction I got from this was, that through times of trial and test the enemy will go after my identity as a small s son of God. Its my Faith in Him and His connection to me that can hold me from the voices that tempt me to deviate from His path. Even when we feel alone and weak, we can still trust that God is present with us, and will give us the strength to face these sort of challenges.

Just some thoughts

Josiah

MY RE-BIRTHDAY

2011-04-25T15:46:00.001-07:00

I had the unique pleasure yesterday of celebrating both the resurrection of Christ and my 22nd birthday. Part of the easter festivities for me was going to a baptism service my church was having in the afternoon. I biked down to Fort Langley-McMillan Island, to see it. It felt really authentic, being with a crowd of people around the banks the muddy fraser river. No joke but there was 26 people from my church of a 100+. Not that its about numbers, but the just fact that so many people from our community were getting baptized had such an impact on the overall spiritual excitement of our church as we gathered to be part of this.

My Pastors Paul and Heidi asked each person prior to being baptized, if they would give themselves to Lordship of Christ/the Godhead, and if they were willing to be accountable to the overall Body of Christ. The importance of being part of union with God and the Church really struck me, as I didn't understand baptism in this light prior. Everyone who was going to get baptized was evidently ready and excited to give themselves to Christ. I was overwelmned with the beauty of it.

Prior to biking out, I had not even considered that I should get baptized too. Thats not completely true actually, because I had thought in light of all the amazing developments in my spiritual existence that it would be appropriate to take part in it. I had discounted that thought, because a). I was not a new christian and b). I was baptized when I was a 10. People are not supposed to be baptized twice, according to be understanding of church tradition. My preconceived understanding stopped me from reconsidering the possibility of it.

A week prior my understanding of salvation/baptism in the Spirit was challenged. I realized that little of spiritual development can solely be understand in episodic linear way. We received salvation, yet its still happening. We are filled by the Spirit, yet on a day to day basis we are still filled in a new way. Our understanding of time is different then God's, I think in someways he see's our life as prayer/confession of His grace.

Secondly I also realized that many of my earlier childhood motives for christian growth, were tainted with a need and desire for acceptance. I wanted to be baptized so I could fit in as fellow member of the church, rather then truly committing my heart and life to the authority of Christ. One thing that helped me understand this clearer was the development I experienced last year. I had been a christian all my life, and I wanted the gifts of spirit. I felt a pressure that I needed them to fit in and I think that why I didn't really start to grow in them until I was able to overcome the previous sense of unacceptance. I wasn't filled with the Spirit so I could fit into a particular expression of Christianity. I am filled with Him, because He loves me and wants to help me. I realized I wanted to be baptized out of insecurity.

So back to the Sunday afternoon at the Fraser River. Paul paused the line of Baptism's and offered that if anyone else wanted to be baptized that their moment would come at the end of the present line. Immediately a voice in my head not only considered it but suggested it. Fear rose up, I countered that voice with a sentiment of desiring not break from what I thought was acceptable. The more I countered it though, the more I was convinced that it was God's voice speaking to me. He told me that it was time for me to do this. I had experienced this year, so much "wrestling" with His will. I genuinely want Him to be the Lord of my life, and this just seemed like the most appropriate statement of that. I was brought back to the last weeks service, I went forward to receive a new baptism of the Spirit. I was brought to this fiery place of anointing, where all I could utter was Yes Jesus. I was having such a hard time with giving him my will, and it was a beautiful place of release and breakthrough. This moment of baptism was some how connected to that.

Once I realized that it was my own fear holding me back rather then Godly conviction, the decision became really clear. The line cleared near to its end, I stepped forward and took off my jacket and shoes. After they baptized the last person, I ran into that cold water. I was asked if I wanted Christ as my Lord, and If I was willing to give Him my Life. If I also wanted to allow my Brothers and Sisters to hold me accountable. I said yes. And then I was dunked in the cold muddy water.

I didn't necessarily feel emotionally that different, except I knew with a deep sense that I was obeying God. I was greeted with a lot of smiles and hugs. Some one gave me a cup of coffee and a towel to warm up. A few others went after me, and the service was concluded. We mingled a bit, and then all headed out.

Later that evening, we had our normal meeting, of worship then preaching. I was given an opportunity to share with congregation about why I did what I did, and just the testimony of God's grace in my life. Later our pastor had all of us stand up and he said to "this is the future of the church." I just was so loved and warmly received by my church. God has blessed me so much with such amazing brothers and sisters. I would not be in the place that I am today if it were not for what He is doing with all of them. By obeying and growing in Him we release hope and grace to others. Thats whats so beautiful about the whole thing. We get to be part of something much greater then ourselves. Seriously I would not have it any other way.

_________________________

Anyways thats a little bit of an update in my life.

Second Chances and Hope

2011-04-17T23:29:00.000-07:00

It is not difficult in life, to experience or be overwhelmed with a sense of powerlessness and failure. I have found that this year has been one, where I often feel like I am a screw-up as a son of God. He has given me so much, and yet I sin still a lot. I am realizing that what aggravates my condition is this sense of independence, pride, and shame where I try to fix my own spiritual sickness rather then going to the One who heals me.

A part of this new revelation that God has given me, is that He sees and perceives and our lives a lot different then we do. Rather then seeing salvation as an instance, I believe he sees our entire life as an confession and prayer for his grace.

One thing that has been a strong pattern in my cycle of confession-disbelief-sin is a sense of death and dissatisfaction with the old me. The truth is that Jesus slew that guy on the Cross. The reason it just doesn't sit right when I go back to that stuff is because I am trying to be some one I am not anymore. If we are saved by Christ, WE ARE NEW CREATION. New natures and filled with the Holy Spirit to boot. I am increasingly thankful for that grace of dissatisfaction with the "yuckieness" of my old life.

We are all like little children, and He lets us take our first steps. And yes sometimes we suck at walking, but you have to remember that it is a process. He has a lot of hope for us, I mean we are New People made identical to our older brother Jesus. He is pretty awesome, and he gave himself completely to us.

So I am encouraged, and I encourage you, to keep running this race. Let us hold on to our hope in Christ, and let go of the past. Onward and Upward friends.

___________

2010-09-29T18:16:00.001-07:00

Sometimes do you feel alone? Like really alone?

Do you expect life to go a certain way? Do you feel betrayed when it doesn't go that way?

Are you asking yourself whats next? Is there something good to expect next? Is it okay to think that something good will come out of this?

What is even more confusing is if you do encounter God. What about all those times when Heaven seems so tangible. Its like we can touch it and then it falls out of our grasp. Or when we so clearly hear the Voice of the Holy Spirit, and follow Him. We expect everything to come together because its his will. Often though it doesn't. Sometimes God's children are defeated(seemingly). This is uncomfortable thought. Who wants to be roused to join a side that promises to be despised and often destroyed?

Lets go our Lord and Saviour Jesus. At the end of His earthly life, he had lost everything. His followers betrayed him. He had no children, almost no family, no wife, no money. He was horribly beaten, left to die on a wooden beam. His eternal Father (who is everything to Him, the essence of what He loves) turned away from Him. Jesus was beaten and alone, on a hill to die. He lost....he literally had to drink Hell at that moment. Whose Hell?

The Hell of the world. All our wrongs and evils

The things the Father has to punish, were punished in Jesus.

Thats not the end of the story of course. But if you think you are dead, I want you to know that His blood is resurrection and rebirth. This life can be so hard, but God will see the course with you. He can and will use everything for your benefit.

Now Jesus is in Heaven...and on Earth.

We are His Body, His Bride

Bless you

The Lord of Peace

2010-09-21T22:19:00.000-07:00

Today was a stressful day. First of all, I was fatigued from a lack of adequate sleep. And then I had almost straight classes from the morning until like 5. So I did what seemed most reasonable and I hopped onto my red bicycle. I am very blessed to live in such a beautiful place, the countryside of the Fraser valley.

After I had gotten out a bit, I came to this river dock. The moon was out above the river, the sun was setting. It was just such a clear and crisp night. The sky was blue-edging into green and rich yellows and reds. The air was peaceful. It was just such a nice moment with God.

I actually ended staying there for a while. Its awesome just being with God for no other reason then just being with him. I find in those moments there is just such oneness and peace. I don't know where I begin or where he ends. I probably would have stayed there longer but it started to get cold so I headed back.

I really needed that, because I, like many of you, feel this need to fix myself. For some reason I have not liked myself for a long time. My self hatred has manifested in self destructive or slothful behaviors in the past. As I have moved into the Fathers heart, He has delivered me from a lot of that crap. One wound though that has caused me a lot of problems is this self loathing.

It can be anxiety at trying to fix me, or be some one else. It could be the stress at what people think of me, because for some reason I think that the blind will give me sight. Whatever it is, I reallized this ungodly pressure and drive was not good. So I asked Him for peace. He has given me so much of it. He is so faithful to answer.

Nothing we can do on our own will actually be satisfying. Just give up. I mean that in the most encouraging and loving tone. By releasing your rights to try, you give sacred space for the Holy Spirit to fill you and show up in awesome ways. I am serious!

Some might think that God has better things to do then to heal our depression and self hatred. Thats such a crock though. You can fight the leaves and stem of this cancer in our world, the root of it all is a disconnection with our Righteous Loving Father. And when we can love the hardest person to love (ourselves) we will be able to love others in such a genuine deep way.

When our hearts are filled, we can quite easily see the Idols and lies for what they are. Changed people make others hungry, and then we don't need to hype and beat ourselves up for authenticity. The real deal is inside us and through us.

May you see Jesus in your friends and enemies

May you see Him in the great and the poor

May you see in your heart, and feel His Spirit burn and anoint your body

God bless you

do not be afraid

2010-06-23T18:11:00.000-07:00

My Father is teaching me a lot about trust. Much of the time the small setbacks or difficulties can cause me to worry about life. My worry and fear will distract me from Jesus and all the awesome things he has for me. So many times he has shown me that I have nothing to be afraid of. In fact if it was about it being easy and do able, I wouldn't need him. He is so good. He gives me the strength and He takes care of me.

So often its when I hear him to have faith that things work out. Quite often they work out in ways that I couldn't imagine or plan. Hes so good. The fact that I am with Him gives me such peace.

You can do it guys. He who is with you is greater then he who is of the world.

BE BLESSED

Jos

Refiners Fire

2010-06-17T20:03:00.000-07:00

This one is a quick one.

I have been learning a lot about how important suffering and trial is in the Christian walk. The Lord will chastise the ones he loves, us. Its easy to lose perspective when we go through rough situations or emotional trauma, but in the long term if we keep our eyes on Jesus, God will show us more of His glory through it.

Suffering produces perseverance, perseverance character, and character leads to hope. Our hope is our faith in Christ Jesus the author and finisher of our salvation. Its like when Peter was called across the waves he was fine when he kept his eyes on Jesus. He was in trouble when he looked at the storm. Or like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abendego in the furnace. In the fire they were fine because Jesus was with them.

This is in a way Sonship part 3 because God was willing to let Jesus die, so he could be resurrected. I think he is ok with doing the same with us.

One last little note; God only refines precious things.

Proverbs 17:3

³ The crucible for silver and the furnace for gold,
but the LORD tests the heart.

1 John

2010-05-30T14:23:00.000-07:00

Lately I have been reading a lot of the epistles. They are such exhorting letters. Saint Paul encourages us with the timeless word of God. I have been reading the letters in their entirety. What I mean by this is reading a letter and trying not to see them divided as chapters and verses, but rather one letter. In doing this I seen the larger themes and context of the letters. Really good. Its also good to reread lots because the Holy Spirit will reveal more and more to you.

I have realized something about the bible. Just as literary works they are good. Yet there are a lot of books out there that are good. Philosophically it can be hard to understand God's bigger picture. The Bible is more then a book. You can't just read it. We have to read the Bible with the Holy Spirit. Especially the letters. Often people become legalistic about things that clearly a reference to transformed renewed and empowered life with God. The point is that God raised the bar so high we can't pretend that we can even do it on our own. As we surrender to Him, we can be surprised with where He takes us.

A good analogy of reading the Bible with the Holy Spirit is this. The Bible is like a car and human philosophy is like a bicycle. With out any fuel, the car is a lot harder to push then riding a bike around. The same is true about reading the bible. I find when I am reading it because I feel I have to its a drudgery thing. Which is terrible. When I read with the Holy Spirit he shows me so much. Sometimes I can't past a line, because I see the profoundness of His Words. The more and more I really consume it, the hungrier I get for more. I exhort you to really consume rather then just read it because you feel you have to.

John 1----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Some themes I noticed. There is a lot of emphasis of authenticity of faith being evidenced by how one loves their christian brother and sister. Also that God is perfect and walking with Him is being consumed by Holiness.

1 John 1:5 This is the message we have heard from Him and announce to you, that God is Light, and in Him there is no darkness at all.

This was a scripture given to me as an encouragement before I left back to Edmonton. Its just such a beautiful picture of who our God is. He is just some pure and awesome. The chapter continues to say that walking with God is walking in the light. There is the realization and repentance that we have sinned against him and that to walk with him we must repent. But its an encouragement because he will forgive us and let us be transformed by being in His majesty and brilliance. His plan for us not just to be forgiven, but also to be made new, and to be holy and pure.

1 John 2:26-29

²⁶These things I have written to you concerning those who are trying to deceive you.

²⁷As for you, the anointing which you received from Him abides in you, and you have no need for anyone to teach you; but as His anointing teaches you about all things, and is true and is not a lie, and just as it has taught you, you abide in Him.

²⁸Now, little children, abide in Him, so that when He appears, we may have confidence and not shrink away from Him in shame at His coming.

²⁹If you know that He is righteous, you know that everyone also who practices righteousness is born of Him.

I just find this passage really comforting too because we will always have Him in us and we can trust Him. He teaches us so much, and all we have to do is be both humble and have faith/confidence. I could go on a tangent about how I understand faith as confidence. I will write about that another time.

1 John 5:6-8

And Jesus Christ was revealed as God’s Son by his baptism in water and by shedding his blood on the cross—not by water only, but by water and blood. And the Spirit, who is truth, confirms it with his testimony. ⁷ So we have these three witnesses—⁸ the Spirit, the water, and the blood—and all three agree.

This one is really good because it demonstrates that our sonship is revealed in His death (the cross), Our Death (baptism), and the New Man (filling of His Spirit). It really puts the pieces together with what I have learned about Sonship.

First we are called by God, We see that we are His Son- Baptism- "this is my son" its also self death, because we are going to do our fathers business.

Then there is His Death the cross. We are redeemed by His Sacrifice. The price is paid.

Afterwards we are told to wait for His Spirit like on the day of Pentecost. Its pretty cool stuff.

Anyways those are a few of the things I saw in 1 john. Its a pretty sweet letter. I encourage you to read it.

^{Romans 15:33} And now may God, who gives us his peace, be with you all. Amen.

Sonship 2

2010-05-24T16:17:00.000-07:00

It has been quite awhile since I have written anything. Work is going really good, and the crazy seven day a week schedule is almost done. I am so glad actually. Yet I will actually really miss a lot of the good things God has given me and shown me in this time. I will share some of these pearls of truth.

1.) We are to transform our enviroment not be controlled or conformed to it. A Son (and Daughter) intriscally knows who they are, regardless of where they are. Joseph from Genesis is a really good role model this way. He knew he had favour from his father and therefore where ever he was he carried that favor and prospered and blessed the people he served.

2.) I also learned the importance of not eating the meats and sweets of Babylon. By Babylon I mean the basically the kingdom of sin and darkness in our world. We all as unsaved people are enslaved to the sinful habits and patterns of death and destruction. As a christian in the world (outside of my fake christian bubble) I encounter a lot of things that used to enslave me. Temptations that if I do not obey the Spirit in how to deal with them, will fall to their traps.

What this often looks like is, being in relationship with people and caring for them, but not doing or saying alot of the things that are considered normal. Daniel is an awesome example of this because he loved the King of Babylon but he did not defile himself with the evil.

3)Sonship

Some thoughts on Sonship:

Sons take ownership

Sons see the value in the home

not in the pay

and Sons like spending time with Dad

Workers are scared of the Boss

A Son can also endure hardship because a sons identity and power comes from the father.

I apologize if this is disjointed. I am writing this at 1:40 in the morning and I have had 2 hours of sleep in the past 30 hours. Be blessed

The Wilderness and Sonship

2010-05-09T13:55:00.000-07:00

This would be my second chapter to the Edmonton chronicles. I have begun to work an intensive night shift job. From 6 in the evening until 6:30 in the morning I am working at the ESSO refinery. Its great because I work with a good crew and my Dad is my supervisor. It has been quite an adjustment though.

First of all, coming back to Edmonton, I knew this would be a season of testing and one on one with God. Like when Jesus was called to the wilderness, I have received a lot of wisdom and am very confirmed as his Son. Before Jesus entered the Desert and after he was baptized.

And a voice came from heaven: "You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased." Luke 3:21

It also says that after he was baptized in water, The Spirit descended on him. Like the church, Jesus waited for the Baptism of fire to begin his ministry. I have found that while learning to rest in his presence, I have received and been living in His Spirit day to day. From that place of peace in Langley, God called me back to Edmonton.

¹Jesus, full of the Holy Spirit, returned from the Jordan and was led by the Spirit in the desert,²where for forty days he was tempted by the devil. He ate nothing during those days, and at the end of them he was hungry. Luke 4:1-2

Christ entered the time of trial full of the Spirit. The Spirit and the Father were there for Him while He was alone, hungry, etc. I learned a lot from this part of the story, because I have come back to my spiritual wilderness full of Him and knowing that I am His Son.

When I started doing night shift I was hesitant because its going to mean no hanging out with my friends, no church, no copious amounts of free time for a few weeks. So far though it has been really good. God has been here the whole time with me, and I just keep my gaze on him and all trials are not to strong for me. I have learned to be very intentional with what time I do have at home, and to find more time where I can be with Him.

I will write more later about this, but I am learning so much from Him.

Be blessed anyone who reads this.

Edmonton

2010-05-04T08:06:00.001-07:00

Well I am back now. My second year of university is done and I have embarked another great summer adventure. Coming back home is always interesting. I think because of my last year at home, I was really reluctant to come back. My heavenly father though had better idea and called me here. So here I am. Its actually been really awesome so far. I am really stoked to take on the challenges with my God. He is so awesome.

Cool Ways God has been providential

-I was worried about work. I didn't have a job lined up, but I get here and find out a spot opens up in refinery shut down. Meaning that I will make a lot of money. Its hard work, but what thing that is worth doing isn't?

-I have found a church and already feel really at home spiritually here in Edmonton.

-I have had a bunch of good conversations and moments of relationship with others.

-I just enjoy having my own room again. Haha

I thank you Dad.

A dream I had.....

2010-04-28T11:38:00.000-07:00

A couple nights ago I had a dream, and what was weird was that I can still remember it. Usually I forget my dreams, which is good, because most of the time its your brain rehashing thoughts/memories/etc. When I can remember a dream, or specific details I take note. In the past really vivid dreams have been prophetic. A lot of times, God uses them to teach me important lessons. Its really cool, and I would encourage any of you reading this not to quickly dismiss dreams, because God could be speaking to you.

This particular dream I am still not totally clear on the interpretation or what it means. I just think its sweet. So here it goes.

I was a forest. It was very much look the woody glens here in Langley BC. Very Green. It started to rain. Thats really normal for BC, but the weird thing was that not only was it raining water, but it was raining snow. It was also raining Gold. There was something else that was being rained but I don't remember what it was. I think it could be pearls. The snow was a momentary thing because it was slowly melting in the pools of water.

I remember laying down to drink the snow and water. I think I was also looking for and expecting gold. I can remember it was really refreshing. Then someone I know who is really blessed by God, and is quite the gift giver, was talking about how the three part rain is a blessing from God to the Church. We are renewed by it.

End of dream

I just thought it was kinda cool. One thing I do pick up from that dream is the snow. God sends us blessing sometimes that are for the moment. Often God sends us stuff like snow, or manna. It is something that we enjoy in the moment, but it is not to be stored up or hoarded. I think the problem is that we carry ourselves like spiritual orphans and we think that the Lords blessings are once in a lifetime opportunities.

We are not spiritual Orphans. We have a heavenly father who takes a lot of joy in us. We can depend on him to send us more manna, and more snow.

The Revolution of Rest

2010-04-27T00:32:00.000-07:00

I feel like I could write a book titled the Revolution of Rest. Seriously, it will blow your world apart into a million pieces, if you can learn to relax and let God take over. His meditation is not one of our Buddhist friends who try to empty their minds, but rather its a stilling of our fears and worries and a posture to be filled with His Spirit.

Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is also freedom and peace. When you give him more space, He will take it. He knows how to occupy. A friend of mine had an opportunity to play at a local bar. Bars usually don't have an atmosphere of spiritual light. Yet when my friend was given the time space to play music, he had authority in that situation. Apparently, it became a night where people had an intense meeting with God. That is just an example of a place that has been used for dark purposes being filled with Gods presence. Is your heart any different? We have filled it with dark things, but we can give it to God to fill. And the more He takes, the less room for the other crap.

Resting in God, is a choice. It is a choice in faith, because we rest in confidence that God will look after us. You are allowed to stop thinking that you are a spiritual orphan. You have a Dad, and He is crazy about you. Seriously. Accept that.

He wants so much peace and joy for you. Just ask.

your arms are big and wide

2010-04-23T11:05:00.000-07:00

My Father, I walk sometimes away from you. I don't know why. I have at times grown "weary of doing good." The life of searching for fulfillment in this world is slavery. Nothing will fulfill my hunger. Especially since I have seen and felt your presence in awesome ways. The more I am drawn closer to you, the more I am dissatisfied with a life with out you.

Your are my High Priest. The chosen Son of God.

Thank you for receiving me, my heart is full of joy and gratitude. You have never given up on me. We are going to make it. I remember going on that walk and something really caught my eye. There was this couple and they started jogging together. It really reminded me about life. It is like a race and I have thought I need to run alone. Yet by running alone, I have set myself up to trip and fall. You never intended for me to run like that. You will and have run the race with me. You are my helper and my strength.

Thank you my God

You are alive, and so worth of praise of adoration.

For all eternity.

Your Son who loves you.

Josiah

---

I have learned a lot about rest, and just how important resting in him is. Faith is not worrying or being anxious, and really believing that He will take care of you. When we accept the invitation to rest, we are given much joy and life from his presence. Rest is faith. We do not behave like we are spiritual orphans who have to pretend that our God will do something for us. We can put aside our burdens and wait for him to do his work. We are Sons of God, therefore we are to wear the robes of Righteousness that he has given for us.

Rest.

Show me your glory

2010-04-12T12:28:00.000-07:00

Hello Father-God

First of all, I could never express the deep thanks I have for you and what you have done in me and for me. You are my Beginning and my End. There is no limit to you. You always have been and you always will be.

Why should I ever be greedy? Why should I worry that there won't be enough for me. You are infinite. Do I even deserve anything?

I think what you have, what you are; should blow my mind.

Father you have said that I have only to ask. Show me more. I want to be wrecked by your majesty. I wanted to be wrecked by your righteousness.

Show me your glory

Another School Year coming to an end....

2010-04-11T01:11:00.000-07:00

Wow it has been a great year. I feel really blessed with how much I have experienced, and how my God has used to teach and bless me through it.

This time last year:

-I was depressed

-I found it difficult to believe in my God

-I was a slave to all sorts of sinful habits

-I didn't have a church home

The Lord has certainly done a lot. Thanks God :). I was at a barbeque with a bunch of my church friends and I was just really blessed and thankful to have that kind of community. I would encourage anyone who may be reading this, and who doesn't have a home church that they are really missing out. So many of my other things on my list where eliminated as I stopped walking alone.

This journey was never intended as a solo venture. We all need fellow sojourners. Friendship is great, but I think we need an intentional spiritual community. Not only will you find more friends in a church. You will find brothers and sisters, mothers and fathers. In Church we get mentored and we get to mentor.

The Spirit and the bride say, “Come.” Let anyone who hears this say, “Come.” Let anyone who is thirsty come. Let anyone who desires drink freely from the water of life.

Revelations 22:17

I continue to look forward towards the future. God has done much for me. But I know the best is yet to come. This summer I look forward to continue the journey. I don't know what to expect, but I can tell you some of my hopes and dreams for it.

Hopes and Dreams:

-To become a better steward of my finances

-To have many opportunities to share my testimony and faith with others

-To use and receive more of the Gifts of the Holy Spirit

-To have more time of intimacy and closeness with Daddy

You never really know what to expect with this life. If we judge our experience by comparing it to how we perceives others to be we will always be dissatisfied and possibly even bitter. The way He intends for us, is to be thankful and patient. This life alone will never satisfy us. The best gift we have is Him, and each other. Let us be thankful, and look forward to that day when we all will get together.

May our Father bless your socks off

Josiah

Life is good

2010-03-27T12:52:00.000-07:00

Its a sunny March saturday here in langley. And it really feels like spring. God is so good. I just always become encourage because I realize that He has not given up on me, and in this journey and battle of life I will not lose.

In Paul's letter Romans, he says it pretty well that, all creation is groaning for the redemption of God's sons. Later in chapter eight, the Spirit of God is said to groan for us in intercession according to His will. His will is for us to have righteousness. He is our helper. It also says trust in Lord with all your strength and he will make your path straight.

It continues in romans eight to describe us as more then conquerors with him with us. Nothing can seperate us from Him. His arms are strong and He will hold on to us.

The Prodigal Son

2010-03-10T12:52:00.000-08:00

This story is really speaking to me. I appreciate it in the larger context of what Jesus is comminicating in Luke 15. While there wasn't originally a chapter 15. The gospel writer, put it along with story of shepherd leaving his 99 sheep for 1, the woman combing her house for her one lost coin, and then the prodigal son. Reading the introduction before is really important.

¹Now the tax collectors and "sinners" were all gathering around to hear him. ²But the Pharisees and the teachers of the law muttered, "This man welcomes sinners and eats with them." Luke 15:1

So the religious people were judging Jesus for welcoming "sinners and eating with them"

I think we all can be pharisee-tic to ourselves and others, and or some reason God is waiting for us to clean up our acts before we can be with him. God's response to that is clearer with the three stories that he tells. While I could go into the other two stories, I will leave that for another time.

I think many of us believers, have experienced times with God where everything is really clear, and we are ready to embrace the life he has for us. Its in these moments, this life of obedience and fire, that we embrace a fullness of his Spirit that changes us. I love this. And I have been embracing my Father in ways that are new for me. He is truly renewing me, and giving me his holiness. I would be lying to say that it has been perfect though. I have also fallen back to my old way.

When I get to that point, I doubt the zeal of the past. I wonder if that revelation he gave me was true. I doubt if I am truly a member of the family. Basically I feel like all I have left is a life of sin and slavery. God is too good, to let that happen to me.

In those moments of despair, I have found the father saying come home.

He doesn't hold anything against us. He is waiting with open arms for us.

In the cathartic moment of the story, the son "comes to his senses" and realizes that its so much better in his fathers house. He thinks that his dad will make be a slave in the house. He thinks his dad has something out for him. He goes back and his dad is waiting there for him.

The dad runs up and embraces his son. He hugs his little boy, tearfully joyful with his returning child.

He orders his servants to prepare a big party and to celebrate the good news. The boy is given a new robe and a new ring. (very symbolic of promise and covenant. Remember this coat that Joseph is given. Also remember rings stand for covenant and authority.)

Its a beautiful picture.

Y(our) dad is waiting. Its time to come home.

REBIRTH

2010-03-05T01:20:00.001-08:00

I am reborn. Its funny, because in the past trying to describe this newness I found with God, I was reluctant to say I was reborn. Even though I really feel like everything has restarted in a way, I thought some how because I was saved before that was my one exclusive rebirth. I now see my walk differently, there is daily death, and daily resurrection. As we give God our stuff. He takes its, and gives us new life. Everyday is more of His nature and His new-adamness. This revelation is encouraging, because not only can I now say I have been reborn, but I can also look forward for the future.

God is pretty big, and there is a lot to be reborn too. I have so much anticipation to get to know my Dad better, because He is so awesome. I can't wait to become more and more like Him. Its pretty epic.

I just want to make a public apology, Sorry Dad for all the times I have sinned, and just given you worthless lip service. You are so loving, and I am going to give you everything that I am. I may stumble, but I will get up and continue to walk in your grace. I know you will complete your work in me. And we get to spend eternity together, AWESOME!

Even the fact that I can write like this to you, and relate to you in such a close way, is a testament to what you are doing me. I love you so much.

It is 1:30 perhaps I should consider going to bed.

I love you Daddy good night.

PS Everyone who reads this. God really really loves you to.

The Scream

2010-02-24T23:29:00.000-08:00

This poem is not by me...but its so awesome I have to share it.

The Scream

There is the scream. The scream so loud it will be the last word. The scream so loud it will render the mute. The scream so loud the man will die. You cannot release such a cry and survive. You can release such a cry only if it is the last thing you do. You can release such a cry only if all things are done. It is the cry of death. It fills the whole earth. The very earth shudders. The very earth splits. The very earth might not survive. The very earth tears. The very rocks tear. And history tears. And all stories tear. My story tears. And the cry is more than volume, more than decibels, more than sound. The cry is the power of death. The cry is the power of life. The cry releases power. There is the moment of the cry. There is the moment the man dies. But what is released in his cry and what is released in his death is life.

The dead rise. The dead walk. The dead are given a way through.

Because his spirit, which exits his body, fills the very earth. And the earth cannot hold still. And the dead spill out like salt, like salt pouring out through the millions of tiny holes torn in the earth. The dead spill. They rush back into life like children into their mothers’ arms, like babies carried by a river, like an infant sailing through the air. His exiled spirit fills this earth with life.

Life. Like bread. Like wine. Like what you always longed to ingest.

Life. Like hope. Like a future. Like a meaning you always wished to believe.

Life. Like jumping. Like floating. Like a body you actually belong in.

Life. Like peace. Like grace. Like everything old and stupid and done being forgotten.

Life. Like joy. Like laughter. Like children climbing into your heart.

Life. Like energy. Like voltage. Like light so comforting you don’t miss the dark.

Life. Like miracles. Like magic. Like fairytales becoming truth.

Life. Like blood. Like water. Like all that flows within you.

Life. Like breath. Like spirit. Like inhaling the love of God.

And in the scream, life left his body and entered ours. And in the scream, one boy with black hair dies and another boy with black hair comes back to life.

Life. Like change. Like difference. Like your dead son returning home.

Brita Miko

Mirage in a desert….

2010-02-23T02:25:00.000-08:00

Mirage in a desert….

Perfection: The Goal

Perfection: The Dream

Perfection: The Vision

Perfection: The Mirage

All my life: a grasping a straining

All my life: flailing like a child learning to swim

All my life: never now; waiting for life to begin

All my life: alone, confused, looking for….

You have: found me a lonely cold child

You have: held me close, especially when I am alone

You have: given me truth, warmth, and love

You have: adopted me, your son forever

With you all promises are fulfilled

Your Kingdom is here

Your glory is now

Perfection Complete.

Some times I sin

2010-02-19T16:37:00.000-08:00

I have sinned. Yesterday I did something I am really not proud of. Since anyone can read this I am not going to share it. But its still good to be grounded with the reality that it does happen. I am so thankful that Jesus has forgiven me though. The temptation for me is to sulk about it, and then keep on living like that even more.

My pride in the past has kept me from living and receiving the grace and mercy of God. For some dumb reason I thought I needed to fix myself first. I accepted my desire to sin as a reality or grounding fact of my life. While that would be true. That mindset is missing one very fundamental truth. That is that God's grace is enough to make us holy. Not just in forgiveness but redemption too. I am redeemed by his blood. All I need to do is rely, obey and walk with Him to live a life of holiness. I am not a sinner!!!!!!!

I find that so humbling, because I know that I do not deserve that. I did not earn or make that. I am not self sufficiently holy. I rely on my Dad for His righteousness. With the Blood of the Son I am made pure. Its a pretty earth shattering revelation, like the one that I got about how He is my father. In way its related. It because I am adopted by His Sacrifice, that I am able to be bold and live with Him. Just being near Him and being one of His kids changes everything. Its funny because I get the gift of these things before I have to belief that He will give them to me. Even my faith in Him comes from Him.

Its so humbling. Its like when you get a really expensive perfect gift, and you have not done anything to deserve it. I remember this story about this guy I knew in Texas. He was raised in a christian home. His parents are really nice and gentle people. But "Robert" decided that he wanted to experience a lot of the things and "thrills" of the world. I guess he was into Pot or something illegal like that at the time. And around Christmas the cops caught him and some of his buddies with it on them. He was arrested and was held at a police station. His parents later bailed him out of there, and brought him home for Christmas. He comes home and on Christmas morning he gets showered with nice gifts from his parents. They were just happy to have him with them. They were obviously a frusterated about what he did, the frusteration is part of love. Yet they would not hold it against him, because obviously their parental love is needed in a situation like that. I know I don't know what was going on inside for him, but that story I think really expresses a part of Gods love for us.

He knows what we are like better then we do. He knew everything that I would do before he died on the cross for me. His Grace is more then enough.

I will leave both you and I with this scripture.

⁶ When we were utterly helpless, Christ came at just the right time and died for us sinners. ⁷ Now, most people would not be willing to die for an upright person, though someone might perhaps be willing to die for a person who is especially good. ⁸But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners. ⁹ And since we have been made right in God’s sight by the blood of Christ, he will certainly save us from God’s condemnation. ¹⁰ For since our friendship with God was restored by the death of his Son while we were still his enemies, we will certainly be saved through the life of his Son. ¹¹So now we can rejoice in our wonderful new relationship with God because our Lord Jesus Christ has made us friends of God.

Romans 5:6-11

He loves us!

My Heavenly Father

2010-02-15T18:14:00.001-08:00

This revelation of being His son, has really changed my life in a lot of ways. It has humbled me. I understand that I am really a child. I am so dependent on Him for everything. My religious(slave) mentality of the past forced me to think that in pride some how, I would become this super christian who could get all of my stuff figured out.

Last year in a lot of ways was a prodigal son experience for me. By that I mean, the wages of my sin and pride left me desperately poor (physically and spiritually). I could not pretend that "my house was in order". God has given me humility instead. I can now come to Him and accept my Fathers love as my righteousness. I can't tell you enough how much more free I am now.

This is just a short little blurb, I have a paper I need to write. But I urge you to let your guard down with Him. He has so much love for you. Seriously.

God is my Daddy

2010-01-27T12:38:00.000-08:00

God is my daddy. That's my my theme in life. Intellectually it may not sound like the most awe inspiring truth. In my twenty years of life I have understood that at more of just an intellectual level, but it did not really sink in deeper then that. My deepest fear was that I did not really belong to God or His family.

Not feeling accepted or part of Him was the worst. Its funny because it takes the light to see how dark and confused I was. It wasn't something I "learned" in the sense that I didn't read and understand just in a mere intellectual level. It was a divine revelation. One day it just really clicked. My God is my Father. I am His son. The revolutionary implications of that are mind scattering.

⁶ But in my distress I cried out to the Lord;
yes, I prayed to my God for help.
He heard me from his sanctuary;
my cry to him reached his ears.

⁷ Then the earth quaked and trembled.
The foundations of the mountains shook;
they quaked because of his anger.
⁸ Smoke poured from his nostrils;
fierce flames leaped from his mouth.
Glowing coals blazed forth from him.
⁹ He opened the heavens and came down;
dark storm clouds were beneath his feet.
¹⁰ Mounted on a mighty angelic being, he flew,
soaring on the wings of the wind.
¹¹ He shrouded himself in darkness,
veiling his approach with dark rain clouds.
¹² Thick clouds shielded the brightness around him
and rained down hail and burning coals.
¹³ The Lord thundered from heaven;
the voice of the Most High resounded
amid the hail and burning coals.

Psalms 18:6-13

I have good news folks. God is your Daddy too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He has heard your pain.

⁸ You keep track of all my sorrows.
You have collected all my tears in your bottle.
You have recorded each one in your book.

Psalm 56:8

He will wipe every tear from your eye. You will not just be restored back to what you were, you be renewed and given so much more. Everything that you think you have to accept (bad habits, sin, etc) you are free from it. All the lies you have believed are exactly that, lies.

The truth of the matter is that you are AWESOME. And God really really really loves you. Like He is crazy about you. And he just wants you. You don't have to fix yourself or whatever. Just come to Him.

HE LOVES YOU

The Leap

2010-01-25T17:11:00.000-08:00

I'm jumping in a world that is unsighted.
All of my skills and manliness are untested.
Over a precipus falls, my will divided.
Part of me afraid, worried that I will be bested,
Another wanting new passage to be rited.

Come O fire, come oh tribulation, test me burn me.
It is in the inferno, in the storm, I will know.
Bring the thunder, over the horizon, not what I see.
I will be humbled, in weakness I am made low.
If I never leave or never try, how can I be free?

So here I am, ready to leap the violent cascade.
I sail to distant shores, to lands very strange.
I will come back in a coffin or a parade.
I shall let loose from shackle, break free from my jail, my cage.
May in my fears and doubts my heart courage be outweighed.

Despair

2010-01-24T23:52:00.000-08:00

Wow it has been more the half a year since I have posted anything on this. Well to be honest thats ok, because I believe I started blogging more in a pursuit to legitmitize myself with sounding all deep and profound. I have something much better then this these days. Where do I start. Haha. I read my stuff from before and I'm awed with how much my paradigm has changed. Last year my faith was truly a tiny seed. Post-Modernity makes us so unable to hold on to any absolutes. I guess thats a fancy way of saying we live in an age of doubt and cynicism.

Cynicism is a poor way to live your life. When we are hard hearted, we shut our ears and hearts to hear what God has to say to us. I have learned that first hand. Part of what has been so transformational for me in the past 5 months has been that quite simply I have moved past a point of disbelief and doubt, and opened myself to Gods mercy and healing. Doubt and bitterness can stem from Pride. I know I had a lot of pride in my life. I was too proud to admit my struggles. Too proud to hear His voice.

In our pride we hold on to our rags and are unwilling to don his "threads" of righteousness. So accustomed to our hovels of mud that we can't possibly move into a mansion in the sky. Thankfully God kept on bugging me. I was able to hear past my pride and accept his grand generosity. God has so richly blessed me. Its ridiculous. I had to hear Him and trust Him past my fears and doubts though.

So many of us have been stung by the world. It doesn't take very long and we collect our scars and lies. One evening, I was very deep in my shame and hopelessness. For several weeks I had been living in rebellious sinful state. I had even begun skipping a really good fellowship of believers. My pride and cynicism held me back from going to them. I was willing to settle for the pennies of the world instead the Gold of Heaven. Something kept tugging in my heart. I knew that I had to at least go there and say hi to them and tell some lame exscuse why I couldn't come. As walked closer to the room, my heart pounded and pounded. I was really nervous. I walked in there, and immediatly I realized the level of grace and mercy that God had for me.

I was able to walk in there and not think of all my garbage.The knowledge of God's love was enough for me in that moment.

I'm telling you this story so that you realize my God is your God. He is waiting for you. Don't allow pride, shame, or doubt to keep Him away from you. He will not disappoint or betray you. When He has you, You will be with Him forever. He has a place that He is preparing for you! There is so much good in store for you. May you be richly blessed in that.

I want to end this with a really inspiring waterdeep song lyrics. (yay for waterdeep)

And I'm lookin out my car window sittin' in the pouring rain
Although your house is fifteen miles away, I can still feel your pain
I've thought and prayed and worked it through about a hundred times or more
How your soul just cries to everyone to help you get up off the floor
Right now it's morning, you're probably sleepin', totally unaware
of the flood of kisses you hold back by the way that you despair
It ain't me I'm talking about here, or anybody else you can touch
That's all I want to say right now, I don't want to say too much

Faith Part 2

2009-04-24T16:30:00.000-07:00

I have a lot of unfinished thoughts and expressions from my last post. I feel that its impossible to express all or the depths that this is to me. Not to mention I see but a fraction of the illumination that is the christian discourse. What I'm trying to say is that last post represented a part of where I am but not all. It misrepresents me in isolation.

My faith is like waves. Some days God is very tangible, and I just Know what He wants for me is real and life giving. It is the other days. The off times that the first post was really trying to capture.

Faith is such a fragile thing. A lot of people lose their faith of their childhood. It really doesn't take much to do it. Life is fraught with tragedy and hurt, and its hard for us to rationalize a loving God allowing this all to happen to us. It doesn't help that you have the likes of Chris Hitchens and Richard Dawkins ridiculing your irrational faith. I guess from bulwarks of rationalism, materialism a lot of faith is really silly. Like I said before, I find it really tough at times to accept all the tenets of my faith. Just the plain craziness of it. But also again like I said before, I'm not sure that crazy is a bad thing. Like lets just look at the world in a pure godless sense. What is right, who defines normal? I think Nietzsche really caught on to how modernity ultimately kills itself. So back to Christianity, even if its false, is it a bad thing to belief in? Loving your neighbor, is that a bad idea? Hope when life is really bleak, is that an evil thing? Or even redemption for the loser in life (aren't we all). I'm just at a place where it doesn't really matter (Ok I'm kind of lieing here, it does matter, but its just not as scary) if its wrong. The other possibilities, the godless possibilities are far bleaker.

Indifference to whether my belief is true or not is not all I have that draws me to Jesus. There is this undeniable, periodic bouts of euphoria. Well that may in itself seem normal. Its often brought about in strange ways. For example sometimes when I hear or read a scripture, there's just undeniable power behind it. Singing a worship song is also really powerful, especially when you don't FEEL like the words are real. That's the thing about faith that I love, you can have it when things don't seem real, or all hope is lost. Its also really awesome because when other people believe it can be really encouraging. Sometimes I think of my faith in Jesus, as a coal. Alone its emberisque, but with a bunch of others it gets pretty darn hot! Excuse the bad analogy, but the principle remains, faith is a team sport. Which is not really a preposterous statement, because life in general is a team sport.

There are two scriptures that have been really key for me in the last few months

Isaiah 40:31

Yet those who wait for the LORD Will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, They will run and not get tired, They will walk and not become weary.

Hebrews 11:1

¹Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

Really good little passages to remember. Also it justs good to actually read the bible, like all the chapters around our favorite verses. ;)

I just want to thank Thomas Aquinas for being bee knees and writing your awesome five proofs of the existence of God. Again very encouraging. I would seriously encourage any of you to look some our great christian intellectuals, especially the philosophers. Its a sad myth that Christians have to give up their minds in order to believe. Yay academia!

Anyways there's a lot more to write, but I don't won't to make this too long and scare you off. Perhaps Ill make a part 3.

Stay classy

My first blog entry: Faith part 1

2009-04-19T19:03:00.001-07:00

I have been thinking a lot about faith lately. What is it? Why have faith? Its legitimacy? I have come from a an absolutist evangelical pentecostal theological background. A lot of what has been passed on to me as far as the idea faith, is that its something that certain. A sacred concept not even to question. To doubt was looked down upon. I really embraced this theology or this mindset from a young age. Much of what I perceived being a christian was towing the hard line, never doubting, questioning, and really attacking anything or anyone who did any of the former.

I don't know what sparked my change. Probably partly maturity, partly just my life circumstances. I guess I should explain where I am in my life. Last summer I was planning on going to university. And due to a lot of reasons, but largely I sabotaged myself, I ended up not going. So here I am, for the past 6 months I have been working. Living with my parents. In a lot of ways I have been pretty lonely. Again I don't why or what has really happened to me. I just have a lot of doubts about Christianity. Part of me wants to believe it all. But its hard to hold on to stuff when you see so much of it not happen. Is it really that good? Like it seems like a lot of us (myself included) can be really superficial.

Same product different label. Another challenge I have is the sincerity of other faiths. How is it that fair. We are right, but they believe, they love, etc, but they are wrong. I don't understand it. So much of my faith was based on the experience and fervor of others. When other faiths have this, it makes me question, what makes mine so much superior? I don't have an answer.........

I guess my faith has really exposed itself to be a choice of trust in a person, who I have never met in person, but have met in persons. A man who draws me, a great prophet of a lot of other religions, but a Christ for over 2 billion on this planet. A man who's teaching are widespread and global, but ignored often by his disciples. Anyways Ill talk about Jesus another time, but back too faith. Its a choice, there's no proof. No absolutest self evidence. Its a choice.

His glory is displayed in His children, and our need for Him in our shortcomings. Faith is joining of myth with reality. This Kingdom of Heaven. A Kingdom where the last will be first. A kingdom of the meek. A kingdom where love is the law. Its here, but yet so far. My faith is my desire to be part of that reality. A realization that this was Created by Him. And cry for mercy and redemption.

Much of my frustration stems from my inability to be the change I want to see. I don't know where Im going with this. But the fact there is this line or this reality inside of me draws me to this Man, his teachings, His followers. I guess its my last stand. My last bastion agianst this worlds (my) rampant problems and sins. It reminds me of the lines from one of my favorite movie the mission. One of the main characters in the film, a jesuit priest, in stubborness to a call to fight the attackers of his mission responds "If might is right, then love has no place in the world......I don't have the strength to live in a world like that," Its good to know Im not alone.